We cannot afford a mine shaft gap.

Breaking news: Doomsday Seed Vault Opens in Norway

130 meters under a frozen mountain on an island near the Arctic Sea, Norway is opening a Doomsday Seed Vault that will protect 4.5 million different types of seeds from destruction in case of agricultural mismanagement, nuclear winter, alien invasion or all of the above.

I think this is a great idea. I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that one of the things I fear most about nuclear holocaust is the possibility that if I survive I’ll no longer have access to the heirloom pole beans* I enjoy today. However, I am concerned that America is allowing a Doomsday Vault gap to open, and would like to suggest that we consider our own Doomsday Vaults to protect those elements critical to the American Way of Life:

  • Doomsday Gourmet Bottled Water Vault
  • Doomsday Suri Cruise Vault
  • Doomsday Doritos CoolRanch (TM) Vault
  • Doomsday Pornography Vault

If you could only save one food in your corner of the Doomsday Vault, what would it be?

*I love heirloom veggies and think the vault is a great idea, so don’t get all up in my grill.

8 Responses

  1. let’s see.. hmmmmm – one thing
    this is tough
    ok
    i got it

    truffle infused egg custard with foie gras and caviar atop a lamb shank

    that should work

    phew – my work here is DONE

  2. claudia: that is an awesome frigging answer.

  3. hey, thanks! it was an awesome friggin question!

  4. garlic naan bread with a solid tikka marsala maybe.
    or maybe not.

  5. claudia is still intoxicated on those things she ate at per se. ;)

    suri cruise hahaha.

    tough one… I think I would have to go with sushi. it’s so cliche, but I sometimes dream about it I love it so much. not that it would be realistic to keep it in a vault, but, you know, this is supposed to be a creative question, yes? :)

  6. Would it matter if I was too dead from said nuclear winter/alien invasion? Heck if I died from an alien invation, I don’t want those buggers to eat anything but Cool Whip and Velveeta!

  7. John: I hope there’s also a Doomsday Toothbrush and Toothpaste Vault.

    Melissa: Wouldn’t you be?

    Rachel: But what would you leave for those of us left behind? Besides, I’m sure the aliens won’t eat anything except pure human brains.

    Mmm. Brains.

  8. Your Zia Lilliana’s lasagna. Failing that, an assload of bananas.

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